Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's top entertainers spent the evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant pay-to-play system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday tune targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils all he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the new program that enables international individuals to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, or "platinum" option for 5 million. A government portal guarantees processing "in record time."

"One note for you to wealthy immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "get cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented screening the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings amid financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.